Guilt and Judgement

So…I live in a meat eating house hold. You might think, fine okay. But I mean they live in an animal product “wonderland” (to them).

Every. Single. Day. I get teased. And okay that’s fine, but when your older sister, the one you look up to, is judging you about your choices…it sucks.

Today I was talking about how I can’t eat the veggies in the roast, because it came in contact with beef and so I don’t want to eat it. So I’m going to figure something else out.

She completely told me that it was stupid and then she asked me (in an incredulous voice) why I even bother to do any of this.

I attempted to explain that I do it for my health and for the animals.

Then I lied. I did something I always feel so guilty about. Because I didn’t grow up with my siblings, but I love with them now. So things are awkward and I just want a sibling to hang with and be with. But..it’s not going to happen and my heart can’t grasp that.

The lie I told her is: “if the way animals are slaughtered and treated was more humane than I wouldn’t be vegan.”

But that’s a lie. A total lie. And I don’t understand why I keep saying it. Trying to avoid judgement, maybe? I don’t know. But I keep trying to somewhat fit in. Maybe it’s because my family is so judge mental. I don’t know.

But…the way she said stuff and completely dismissed me..it hurt. It really did. But I need to get over it. I mean, her opinion is important too, but I just feel like if my opinion is different than it is wrong/doesn’t matter.

I think I’m kind of slipping back into a depression. I hate that word so much, but I think it’s happening. I wouldn’t describe myself as depressed but last time I was like this my doctor told me I was depressed.

But, good news is I didn’t do it. I didn’t show how much it hurts. I can’t. Because usually if you tell her how much that hurt you she doesn’t really accept that. And she gets all…upset.
But I made myself an okay vegan dinner. (More garlic would have been good and cooked just a tad longer).

Also on the bright side is the fact that I don’t run to animal products for comfort foods any more. I run to zucchini and peanut butter. I have a new found love for peanut butter. Haha. 🙂

Well I hope you all have a good day/night!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s